night of the huge frigging comet

19 Sep

title

This week on As the World Vampires The Vampire Diaries, we start things off with a bang (I mean Damon kills some people no one cares about). Then we get to the good stuff when Elena starts off the day with this diary entry: “for once I don’t regret the day before,” then Stefan wakes up and writes in his diary “what she said,” and then they both go to school where they intense stare at each other all day.

Meanwhile, Elena’s little bro, or Mini McQueen, confronts the douche who left his girlfriend in the dark, foggy woods to be bitten by Damon an animal. He calls the guy a dick and threatens to ‘kill him’ for obvious reasons: he is a douche. Douche is like, “Damn, that sounded like a death threat!”

I know what the word 'kill' means

I know what the word 'kill' means

Stefan superhears Elena’s ex-bf (I will know his name at some point, I hope) say that his little sister thinks she was attacked by a vampire, so Stefan superwalks to the hospital and gets all Bill Compton on our asses by glamoring her into thinking she was just attacked by an animal.

You were attacked by a rabid deer

You were attacked by a rabid deer

On his way out there are bags of blood everywhere because of how hosiptals leave them in the same hallway the public uses.

blood!

 Stefan’s tummy rumbles but he’s like, “be stong little tiger,” and leaves.

As this is happening, Elena goes to Stefan’s house for some reason I don’t remember and she walks right in because the door is cracked open (jeez, this show) and the house is all Victorian Vampire Chic or whatever and then a crow flys into her face and it is Damon.

sneaking in

 

always one to make a dramatic entrance

always one to make a dramatic entrance


I morphed behind her so she doesn't know it was me

I morphed behind her so she doesn't know it was me

 He’s all creepy nice and says, “I’m Stefan’s Italian brother, has Stefan told you about Katherine yet?” and Elena’s like, “what” and then Stefan shows up and he’s all angry eyebrows and “get out of here Elena.” After Elena leaves Boone says, “she has spunk.” What? Why does she have spunk? Because she came into your Gothic castle house uninvited? I call that tresspassing, not spunk.

we both shop at Abercrombie & Vampire

we both shop at Abercrombie & Vampire

That night everyone gets together and holds a candle light vigil for…a comet? I don’t get it. Nevermind. Stefan describes it as “a ball of snow and ice, trapped on a path that it can’t escape. once every 145 years it gets to come home.” METAPHORS.  Then they show the comet everyone is looking at and it is fucking HUGE and DOESN’T MOVE.

that is just like every other comet I've ever seen

that is just like every other comet I've ever seen

I don’t mean to be Professor Comets overhere, but I’m pretty sure that is not how comets work. Comets don’t move slower than an inch a minute and are almost as big as the moon. I guess nobody in this town knows anything about space or typical things that people know about because no one seems to notice how weird this comet is. “That is a completly normal comet,” they say. Oops, I almost forgot. This show is on the CW.

cwcw1cw3

Vicki is out of the hospital now (damn, I know) and she sees Damon in a cafe (I don’t know what he is doing there, unless they make special blood cappuccinos) and she’s like, “I know you,” and he’s like “that is too bad” then he follows her into the bathroom and attacks her face.

eat face

Stefan uses his supervampire powers to see that Damon is holding Vicki over the edge of a roof directly across the street from him.

roof top

He superjogs over there and is like, “stop that” and Damon is like, “no” then he glamours Vicki into thinking Stefan is an evil bloodthirsty vampire and he rips off her neck bandaid and throws her at Stefan. Stefan is like  “mmm, blood” and his eyes get all black and Vicki is hysterical and Damon is like “do it! then we can be BFF’s again” But Stefan is like, “those days are over,” and he throws Vicki on the ground because of how he is the nice one.

Boone unglamours Vicki and she chalks it up to behing high. DON’T DO DRUGS KIDS IT WILL MAKE YOU FORGET THE LAST TIME YOU WERE GLAMOURED BY BOONE!

Then Elena is suddenly in this episode again and she says, “I need to do what I meant to do all day,” and that is visit Stefan, so she goes and sees him and he eyebrow acts all over her and they kiss and it is just okay really epic.

kiss

Oh yeah, the blond chick sees Damon staring at her in a parking lot so she takes him home to bang it out and then he gets hungry and bites her.

eat you

The previews for the next episode look great because Stefan is like, “I’m auditiong for the role of BEST FOOTBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING VAMPIRE,” and then he and Elena go all the way (football humor).

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4 Responses to “night of the huge frigging comet”

  1. ramalama September 19, 2009 at 6:30 pm #

    I like how that picture of the comet would be exactly the same as if you put a video of the comet up (since it basically didn’t move).

  2. Mel September 22, 2009 at 6:30 pm #

    LOL LOL LOL.

    Got your link off your IMDb post. I didn’t really expect your recap to be so funny but holy crap, dying here. Please don’t stop.

    (that’s what she said.)

    • itsfreckles September 22, 2009 at 9:50 pm #

      Thanks so much! I think its hilarious too…lol. Hope you keep reading!

  3. Lauraaa April 2, 2010 at 3:44 am #

    Hahahahahahahaha we both shop at Abercrombie and Vampire hahahahahahahaha

    fantastic!!!!

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