haunted halloween high school party

30 Oct


The Vampire Diaries is back! Thank God, right? Where else am I going to get my vampire fix if the VD isn’t on every week? I have no idea! Its basically only a matter of time before this vampire thing catches on, am I right? But nothing will ever be as good as VD, duh.

The plot is moving right along (yes, there is a plot) and  the important things (yes, there are important things) that happened in the last episode that you need to remember are: Vicki ate the newscaster and is a vampire now. That’s basically it. The last episode sucked.

So this episode opens with Douche getting into his car late at night in an abandoned parking lot after his pilates class (one can only assume), and it turns out that Vicki was nice enough to wait for him! She even broke into his car so she could surprise him from the backseat! Then she tried to eat him! TRU LUV.

Then Capt. Boring comes along and breaks up the fun before Douche even gets nibbled on–just a little is all I’m asking!

7 vicki hold

Why don't you let Vicki do what she wants, just this once?

Damon glamours Douche so he can go on living his douchey existence without remembering the one time his vampire girlfriend tried to eat him.

Everyone who cares about Vicki (her brother, Mini McQueen) are very worried about her because they don’t know where she is so her brother tries to text her:

7 halloween

Yes, that is an arm hanging out of a locker. I guess I forgot to mention that this is the Halloween episode! Apparently, Spookyville High goes all out and actually decorates the halls and shit. My high school never did that, unless you call not cleaning up someone’s barf in the middle of a walkway a ‘decoration’.

Back at Chateau D’Vampire, Vicki is very whiny about being hungry and cooped up in the house and also having to pee. She is like “I’m a vampire, why do I have to pee?” IT’S PROBABLY FROM ALL THE CAFFIENE VAMPIRES DRINK SO THEIR SKIN DOESN’T FEEL COLD TO THE TOUCH.


Coffee: the reason why vampires have been able to blend in with humans for 500 years.

Stefan tries to get Vicki to drink squirriels because drinking humans is bad, but we all know Vicki ‘has problems’ and will pop open the first fresh neck she can find. Elena comes over for some reason and she is like “stay away from Mini, you are dangerous and will probably kill him,” and Vicki is like “you always hated me!” and chokes her while she tells her she will do whatever she wants.

7 choke

I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “What is going on with Bonnie?” WELL, she had a slumber party at her grandma’s house and learned all about being a witch and also the candle light is the best light.


Unlike Bonnie, Grandma needs a lighter to light her candles.

Damon goes to the hip cafe to get more precious coffee, when he superhears Douche’s parents talking about how dumb the newscaster is for losing Elena’s pocket watch, and also for getting dead. “He is so dumb,” they say, “he is so dumb I’m glad he’s dead.”

You know what they say: douche beget douche. Or something. Also, Douche Mom is also worried about her weight:

"Waiter! We're out of Sweet 'n Low! I need like 20 more of these to make it taste like I used real sugar."

"Waiter! We're out of Sweet 'n Low--I'm going to need like 20 more if going to make it taste like real sugar!"

So now Damon knows who to target (target=kill) and everything is moving along very nicely for the vampire brothers. EXCEPT VICKI ESCAPES! And she somehow gets ahold of a vampire costume, if vampires dressed like idiots.

7 ugly

Also, I’m pretty sure Halloween means you’re supposed to dress up as something you aren’t already–in fact, that is the POINT of Halloween! Also:

7 barf


While the teens are partying it up at a party held at school, Damon decides to chat up Douche Mom and get some intel before he kills her. Nice Damon! Using that brain!

7 damon

7 haha

"All that Sweet 'n Low is really paying off."

Douche Mom is super drunk and she totes gives up so much important stuff:

  1. ‘the council’ (vampire hunterz) need more vervain (plant that protects them from mind control)
  2. ‘the council’ eliminated anyone who came to the rich white people party during the daytime (as did Stefan and Damon)
  3. she LOVES martinis and also flirting with guys who look way to young for her

Back at the school party, Elena finds out Vicki is there and she freaks out because she knows Vicki will find Mini and probably eat him. Vicki’s brother tries to be all “leave Vicki alone,” but Stefan is like, “ohnoyoudidn’t!”

7 more choke

After (regretably) not killing drunk Douche Mom, Damon goes to the school party because of how he loves to satutory rape high schoolers. He sees Bonnie there, who is wearing his special jewel as a part of her witch costume (again–the point of Halloween!). He tries to take it back because its his, but Bonnie gets all witchy on his ass by making the jewel red hot, and it burns his vampire hand.

7 good face

This is the face he makes when touching a red hot jewel.

7 huh


Then Bonnie runs away to her Grandma’s house to cry about how much her life sux. She’s always doing that. Running away, I mean. She makes that ‘huh’ face and then runs away in basically every episode.

Bonnie: “My life sux so much because I run away all the time.”

Everyone: “Then stop running away.”

Bonnie: “You don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

And then she runs away.

Back at the party, Vicki finds Mini and they start making out admist a bunch of yellow school buses:


Vicki makes some kind of dumb excuse for having to leave Spookyville and then she implies that if Mini goes with her she’ll turn him into a vampire too except things get nutty when she accidently bites Mini’s lip. Pesky fangs– always getting in the way!

7 ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Okay, so it wasn’t so much an ‘accident’ as it was an ‘on purpose’. Then she tries to eat him:

7 eat

Elena gets there just in time, and thank God she finished those night courses at the local community college, because what Mini needs right now medical attention.

7 nurse

7 wood to face

"Take this otherwordly fiend!"

Of course that doesn’t actually work, and Vicki picks Elena up and throws her into a pile of trash (metaphors?) and somehow she gets a side wound? YOU GOT THROWN 5 FEET INTO A PILE OF TRASH, NOT WOUNDED IN WW III: RISE OF THE VAMPYRES. Whatever, Elena, you weak!

7 side wound

Stefan finally shows up (where was he, getting a latte?), and Vicki runs away. He tells Elena and Mini to flee while he checks under the buses for Vicki, and just as they are about to get away, Vicki shoves Mini out of the way and bites Elena. I am actually quite impressed with Elena’s screaming skillz, they are top notch. Very loud and dramatic, like screaming should be.


7 finally

7 yay

7 3

Third time's a charm.

FINALLY. Please be acutally dead this time. Thank you.

On her way out, Elena runs into Vicki’s brother, who is like “Am I going to have to look after Vicki her whole life?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You already did that, because she is dead now! Good job, A+!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course Mini is all truamatized and upset whatever–I don’t care–so Elena is like, “please glamour him so he can be happy again, and by happy I mean still basically depressed because our parents just died” and we find out that Stefan ‘can’t do that’ because of his animals-only diet. I guess it makes a little less powerful. Makes sense. In this world of vampires and witches it makes sense. So Damon steps in to perform when Stefan is being all premature, since he eats people and is still powerful, and Elena is like GRATEFUL LOOK and we all know they are going to end up together. Because Stefan is a pussy.

Also, Bonnie has her very own sepia tone photo of herself that her grandma for some reason mistook as a far off relative named ‘Emily’ who was a witch living in 1864–the same year printed on Elena’s sepia toned photo of ‘Katherine’. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!

7 emily 1864

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE: Looks just as good as all the others. So basically THE BEST EVER.


4 Responses to “haunted halloween high school party”

  1. volchok November 1, 2009 at 4:20 am #

    vicky had a banging body. god damn it. 😛

    • itsfreckles November 2, 2009 at 9:14 am #

      Ha! Too bad it has a stake in it now!

  2. olivia November 1, 2009 at 4:05 pm #

    totally agree. stefan=pussy haha at least he’s starting to talk to humans like a normal person instead of doing that crazy pause thing

    • itsfreckles November 2, 2009 at 4:55 pm #

      Maybe he figures he doesn’t have to pretend to be human anymore since Elena knows his secret, which is funny, since that basically would mean he thinks ‘blending in’ requires talking like Capt. Kirk and ‘being himself (a mythical creature)’ is talking normally.

      He really confuses me.

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