history repeating

13 Nov

title

Since I skipped last week’s episode, here’s a brief recap:

It was Stefan’s birthday (he turned 162 years old, for those of you keeping track) so his BFF Lexi came to visit, who is a blond hottie vamp who likes to takes showers and walk around in a towel when Elena comes to visit. Then Damon stakes Lexi in front of the blond lady cop (also Caroline’s mom) to prove he is a good guy, and get the hunterz off his back. Stefan gets all pissy about that for some reason, and stakes Damon in return, but just in the tummy, so it doesn’t actually do anything. Oh, and Elena continues to be like “stay away from me Stefan,” and then go visit him five minutes later. Because she is a dummy.

BACK TO THE PRESENT: Bonnie is being haunted by her 150 year old ancestor witch! That olde time beeyatch is totally playing mind games with her, like making her look stupid in class and have dreams (oh the horror!) and wake up in the middle of the woods in her pajamas! HOW COULD YOU GHOST WITCH? YOU ARE LIKE TEN TIMES MORE SCARY THAN THAT ONE GHOST IN THAT ONE MOVIE*!

9 pjs

Going to stand up and run away in 5...4...3...2...1

In other news (much more important news), there’s a new history teacher (the old one was eaten by Damon a couple of episodes ago, remember?) and guess what? HE’S A HOTTIE YAY!!!!!!!!:):):):):):):):):):):)

9 alaric

Serve me up a slice of that!

See that gibberish written on the chalk board behind him? That is his name (his name! this show and its names!), which I am pretty sure is code for ‘I am vampire’, but maybe I’m just being an asshole and its perfectly believeable for a normal person to be named Alaric Saltzman**. Elena is too busy getting worried about Stefan because he didn’t come to school to even notice how hot Alaric is, and Bonnie is too worried about having a ghost ask her for help again (helping people (even dead ones) is for losers) to notice either, so I have to do all the noticing for them.

“Yes, he is a hot man.” –Me

Back at the vampire mansion, Damon apologizes to Stefan for killing his only friend by saying he isn’t going to eat a human “for at least a week” because that is the amount it takes to atone for killing your brother’s only friend. Stefan is unusually sassy and he annoys Damon about his ‘real’ reason for coming back to Spookyville (I still don’t know the actual name of this place) and he also has a lot of abs.

9 abs

Alaric calls Mini McQueen into his office and calls him a jackass (not really, but one can dream) and then he tells him he has to write an essay about the town’s history in order to pass the class, which Mini accepts because he is all about school now and not drugs. Then they shake hands, and if you stop looking at how soft Alaric’s skin looks, you’ll see that he is wearing the same ‘lapis lazuli’ ring that the brothers vampire wear in order to not burn up in the sun.

9 ring

Because he is a vampire.

Later, Stefan goes to school to tell Elena that he isn’t going to go to school anymore, because of how he can just stop going and no one will notice. “Don’t worry Principal Figgins, he accidently forgot he passed high school 147 years ago.” And Elena is like “are you backing off from school, or from me?” and then she caught sight of her reflection in Stefan’s abs and she wouldn’t move or eat or think until she died of  starvation.

Damon shows up at school also, but only to molest Bonnie.

9 creep

"You have coffee breath, please get away from me."

On the drive home Elena decides its the perfect night for a slumber party, and Bonnie tosses the necklace into a field because of how that is the best way to make a ghost leave you alone. 

Elena goes to Stefan and tells him about the ghost and how Damon wants the necklace, and he is like “I knew Bonnie’s ancestor, her name was Emily and she was Katherine’s handmaid,” and then he is like “what does the necklace look like?” Elena is like ,”It um–” and Stefan is like, “I know it, it used to belong to Katherine, which means that…” and then he leaves abruptly to make sure that he is being cryptic enough.

While all this is going on, Mini and Cool Aunt go out for dinner. Betcha can’t guess who they run into…

9 huh

"Me?"

Yes! They so run into you! And guess who Cool Aunt has the hots for now?

9 huh

"Me?"

Duh! Who doesn’t? So Alaric comes over and gets all flirty with Cool Aunt, but only after she mentions that all of Mini’s family heirloom stuff is in acloset at their house. Poor Cool Aunt! All guys ever want is to get into her closet! And steal historical shit! Anyway, Mini leaves eventually, and Al and Aunt have a heart to heart about thier respective relationship drama. Cool Aunt is like, “I dated this douchey newscaster who I went back to like 20 times, but he always left me. Pretty sad, huh?” And Alaric is like, “my wife was murdered and no one knows who did it” then Cool Aunt looks like she wishes she could disappear from the booth they’re sharing.

9 asshole

"My douchey newscaster problems seem so small compared to actual problems."

 Then Alaric follows her home and looks at the doorway very obviously because he can’t pass through it unless he’s invited, which Cool Aunt decides not to do, but only because Jeremy is standing right there.

 Meanwhile, Stefan pretends to be all buddy buddy with Damon, just so he can find out his secrets. It doesn’t work though, and we find out that Damon seems a bit more attached to Katherine than Stefan, and also that he would ‘rip [Stefan’s] heart out and not think twice about it’. Give it a whirl Damon, you can’t knock something until you try it, right? And then Damon is like, “I’m going to bring [Katherine] back” and then explains that he made a deal with Bonnie’s witch ancestor to protect Katherine back in the day, and when everyone thoughtshe was burning up in a church she was really sealed in a tomb underneath it. So now, 150 year later, Damon has decided its the perfect time to let her out (he also mentioned some nonsense about how the comet in episode two had to pass over in order for the necklace to be powerful enough unseal the tomb or something…whatever).

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS? IT’S SLUMBER PARTY TIME! Everything is very typical slumber party shit (maincures, confessions to being a witch) until Caroline finds the necklace in Bonnie’s purse (how’d that get there? sneaky little ancestor witch!) and she decides the best thing to do is have a seance!

Oops, things don’t go so well when Emily takes over Bonnie’s body and walks out of the house! Elena figures it out when Bonnies is acting all polite and speaking in proper English (you know, like they used to in the old days?), so she calls Stefan to tell him what happened and of course Damon overhears it and knows exactly wheres she’s going (to the church where Katherine is). Damon finds Emily and tries to take the necklace by force, but she uses her witch powers to throw him into a tree, which stabs his tummy. Then this happens:

9 incendia

Apparently, every person who was  in the church was a vampire, and Emily had to save them all in order to save Katherine, so now she doesn’t want Damon to open the tomb because they will all come out most likely be very angry. So she tosses the jewel into the air and blows it up with her mind, like so:

9 necklace

This makes Damon very mad, so he bites Emily, except it isn’t Emily anymore, it’s Bonnie, and Stefan has to make her drink his vampire blood in order to not die. Damon is all sad now and says he is going to leave, and Elena decides she wants to be with Stefan after all, but he says he has to leave now too because too many people have died. Then he turns and starts to walk away into the dark forest, and Elena is like, “don’t walk away!” but he does anyway and it is very emotional because if he leaves they will never see each other again and they won’t be in love forever! 😦

Then it ends with a montage of Stefan throwing a pillow angrily onto his bed and crying, and Elena telling Bonnie about vampires as she cries and then Bonnie starts to cry too.

Oh, and the newscaster comes back and I’m pretty sure he is somehow a vampire now.

NEXT WEEK: The tagline is “The only thing more painful than death is goodbye”…sure, if that goodbye ends with you getting stabbed. Also, Elena and Stefan sex it up and the douchey newscaster kills a bunch of people.

*There are no ghosts less scary than Bonnie’s ancestor.

**It isn’t.

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5 Responses to “history repeating”

  1. Christiana November 18, 2009 at 9:32 am #

    I absolutely LOVE your recaps!! But, how can you NOT write a recap after teasing promise of hot Stefan/Elena vamp sex? Lexi has already promised that it’s epic. Remember how hot it was when it was Katherine in the flashback? It will likely be so hot we can’t look at it … and I can’t wait. *excited girly squee*

    • itsfreckles November 18, 2009 at 10:59 am #

      Thank you for the compliment! I really want to write one, but I simply will not have time. But…I just realized they probably won’t air a new episode on Thanksgiving, so maybe I can post this week’s recap late…okay! Hopefully I will have this week’s epic episode sometime after Thanksgiving!

  2. Marisol January 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm #

    I love reading your recaps! They’re so entertaining. I was actually kind of shocked how you didn’t mention anything about Damon becoming obsessed with this strange tomb type thing in the ground, since he shares that interesting trait with Ian Somerhalder’s Lost character Boone hahah.

    • itsfreckles January 8, 2010 at 5:48 pm #

      Hah! Jeez I never made the connection!

      • Marisol January 10, 2010 at 6:20 pm #

        I realized it after the second time I watched it. Granted, I just watched the whole first season of Lost before I watched History Repeating, so it was fresh in my mind haha.

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