unpleasentville

30 Jan

First off, guess who wrote this episode?

Haha the best.

So Barbie’s episode opens with Elena asking Stefan who hoodie vampire is and why he’s trying to kill her. Stefan tells her he doesn’t know because why would he? Then he gives Elena some vervain jewelry for her and her friends (and even a bracelet for Mini!) and he reminds her that “as long as it’s in you or on you, a vampire cannot control you” and Elena is like “wow, so much to remember.” Really, Elena? That’s so much to remember? HOW DO YOU GET BY IN THE WORLD?

Downstairs, Mini is working on his art:

Then the doorbell rings and a regular pizza delivery man comes to deliver a pizza because what else would he be doing? Except: 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MINI DO NOT INVITE HIM IN!!!!!!!!!

Well, fuck.

Oh well, hoodie vampire just leaves without doing anything sinister except putting his hood on.

At school the next day Mini gets an ‘A’ on his paper about vampires in Spookyville and he is like “what is ‘A’ mean?” Then Alaric, or as he perfers to be called in the classroom, Mr. Saltzman, asks if he can borrow Mini’s great-great grandfather’s diary. Since Mini carries it around in his backpack everywhere he goes like a normal person, he gives it to Mr. Saltzman right away. And Mr. Saltzman looks like he always does, which is hot:

At lunch, Elena gives Caroline a vervain necklace and then they talk about how Caroline might be dating Elena’s ex-boyfriend and blah blah blah I don’t care.

Then Elena and Bonnie go to the hip cafe where all the kidz like to hang out so they can talk about how ‘weird’ it is that Elena was adopted. Then Elena says she needs to go to the ‘store’ to by clothes for upcoming fifties-themed dance.

The minute Elena leaves, Bonnie gets acosted by Damon because he really likes to do that. But before we can find out what he wants, it’s broken up by the bartender: 

Ben

Damon leaves reluctantly and Ben the Bartender is like “hello Bonnie” and Bonnie is like “you remember me?” and Ben is like “I didn’t graduate that long ago!” and I’m like “actually you did graduate that long ago because you are 28 YEARS OLD”.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I am so 20 years old!"

After buying clothes at the local ‘store’, Elena gets a phone call from hoodie vampire while walking to her car. He threatens her but she drives off and goes to Stefan’s house where she asks him again why hoodie vampire is trying to kill her, and he still doesn’t know, but he gives her the vampire compass from several episodes ago and he explains that it’s special because it doesn’t point north but to vampires. It must be attracted to all the iron in their brains (bad joke).

Sooper speschul vampier compas.

Then Elena goes home and confronts Cool Aunt about her adoption. Cool Aunt tells Elena that her real mom showed up on her fake dad’s doorstep as “16, a runaway and about to give birth [to baby Elena]”. She eventually did give birth (as these things go) and then she disappeared a couple of days later, leaving the baby with her new fake parents, and of course they were trying to have babies of their own but it wasn’t working out, so it was perfect. Also, Elena’s real mom was named ISABELLE (probably important).

Meanwhile, Damon is still (STILL) trying to get into Katherine’s tomb, and Stefan promises to help him but Damon doesn’t believe him because he is cynical and sad. 😦

For the dance Elena puts a Bump-It and a scarf in her hair and is like “authentic fifties outfit”. Looks great Elena. I espcially like your Sandra Dee inspired belt-over-low-cut-shirt. 

While Elena is getting ready the vampire compass starts going crazy and she is like “omg a vampire is here!” so she calls Stefan but Damon answers and is like “Stefan is on his way.” Elena is like “oh phew” because obviously Stefan is probably hiding in her house somewhere? 

Sometimes it pays to look at your ceiling (when you are being stalked by a hoodie-wearing vampire):

Bump-it or die.

So hoodie vampire jumps off the ceiling onto Elena and tries to bite her face off, but Stefan rushes in just in time to stop it. So hoodie vampire runs out the door real fast because he is a vampire but also a pussy (even more so than Stefan).

So Stefan, Damon and Elena all decide to go to the dance together in hopes that hoodie vampire will show up and try to kill Elena again. They all get there and of course none of the chaperones are like “why is this drop-out student and his older brother trying to get into this high school dance?” They just let them all in like it is completely normal.

Guess who’s a chaperone?

"ME!"

Yes, you, but I was referring to a person I actually care about.

"Me?"

Now we’re talking! Alaric and Cool Aunt are both chaperones and they are talking about how dead Alaric’s wife is and how sad Alaric is about it when he spots Damon loitering near the snack table.

The 'I saw you murder my wife' look.

I’m like “SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN!” but Alaric is such a gentleman he just wanders over casually and strikes up a conversation.

He is like “I haven’t seen you ’round these parts before” and then he asks him about Stefan and where they’ve lived and few other things and Damon gets annoyed. Alaric realizes this, so he apologizes and practically runs away.

Dumbass fairy Anna also shows up at the dance, even though as Mini points out, “you don’t even go here” and that she’s “acting like they’re dating even though they’re not” and for a minute I kind of like Mini, but then I remember how stupid he used to be and the feeling passes.

Bonnie and Caroline leave the dance and go to the cafe where Bonnie asks Ben the Bartender out on a date. He is like “I would love to because I am definitely very close to your age.”

"I'M 20!!!!!!!!"

Then Caroline is like “I’ll just be mean to Matt (Elena’s ex) and hope he’ll like me back. I doesn’t work out.

Anna is still bothering Mini and Mini is still like “back off” but instead Anna asks if she can borrow Mini’s great-great-grandfather’s diary. Mini says he can’t give it to her and she is like “I know you don’t have it on you now but I can walk you home (and blow you)” but Mini is like “I gave it to Mr. Saltzman.” Anna starts to lose her cool and is like “you can’t give it to just anyone!” and Mini like “but I should give it to you?” POW! In your face dumbass fairy! But she is still like “maybe we can get it out of [Mr. Saltzman’s] office” and Mini is like “what is the deal with the stupid diary?” And Anna gets so pissed her eyes turn black.

So Anna isn’t a dumbass fairy, but a dumbass vampire. She is like “I am ah dooly appointed fedehral vaampire.” (Shutter Island joke.)

Mini sees her eyes get black and he is like “your eyes!” but Anna turns around and walks off. Mini is like “good thing I didn’t let that girl near my junk.”

GULP.

Anna goes into a darkened hallway and meets up with hoodie vampire where they discuss how they also want to open Katherine’s tomb. Turns out, Mini’s grandpa’s diary has something to do with opening it, so that’s why Anna wants it so bad I got so pissed when Mini called it stupid. Also, hoodie vampire is ‘playing’ with Elena just because she looks like Katherine. Ugh, I GET IT SHE LOOKS LIKE KATHERINE! Why is this the driving force for so many storylines? Please STOP THAT.

So hoodie vampire goes back into the dance where Elena and Stefan see him. Stefan leaves Elena alone so he can go chase hoodie vampire through the school, because it is always a good idea to leave the target by herself. 

Stefan catches up to hoodie vampire and he slams him up against some lockers and then we see that it’s not hoodie vampire but some kid. The kid is like “I was getting a soda when this guy gave me his hoodie.” SO YOU JUST WEAR ANY CLOTHES THAT SOME STRANGER GIVES TO YOU? NICE LIFE CHOICE.

Elena is wandering around the gym trying to find Damon but the gym is just so huge she can’t and then she gets a phone call from hoodie vampire telling her to leave the room. She is like “no”, so hoodie vampire says he will snap Mini’s neck if she doesn’t do it.

And I still don’t know how all these non-students even got into this dance in the first place.

Because she doesn’t want her brother to die Elena does a little jogging in the hallways while hoodie vampire follows her, and they end up in the cafeteria where hoodie vampire throws Elena into a foldable table. Then she finds some pencils:

And she uses them:

Then she stabs him with a third pencil so hard he falls down, and she grabs a mop and BREAKS THE HANDLE OVER HER LEG.

She tries to stab him with the broken end but he grabs it and throws it over his shoulder. Just as he’s about to kill her, Stefan and Damon come in and stop him. Damon calls him a “dickhead” and Stefan stabs him with the mop handle. Hoodie vampire doens’t die though, so Stefan just keeps shoving the handle in when he won’t answer their questions. Finally hoodie vampire says he’s stalking Elena because she looks like Katherine, and both of the brothers are like “WHAT?”

"I thougt I was Katherine's only special lover (besides my brother)!"

And then Damon asks him how to get in the tomb and he says something about a “grimore” and that they need Mini’s grandpa’s diary to find out what the hell a “grimore” is. And Anna is just watching for funtimes:

"Amateur."

The brothers ask hoodie vampire who he’s working with and then Alaric comes strolling down the hall, probably to get the mop to clean up some punch and/or puke.

"Hm. I wonder why there are screams of pain coming from the cafeteria. Maybe I should check it out."

Hoodie vampire won’t tell them who he’s working with so Stefan kills him and then they hear a sound coming from the hall and Damon goes and finds Alaric walking away very fast like “no mop in there!” Damon glamours him and asks him why he’s in Spookyville and if he knows what Damon is, but Alaric is able to lie so Damon leaves him alone.

I’m like “how’d he do that?” and he is like “this is how I did it:”

A handful of vervain.

This stuff must be pretty easy to get ahold of.

So Damon and Stefan have a comversation about how the “grimore” belonged to Emily and that the founding families “took her things when they burned her” and that maybe Mini’s grandpa’s diary says where they put her things AFTER THEY BURNED HER BODY. Nice ancestors, Mini and Elena (for fake).

Then Stefan offers to help Damon get Katherine out of the tomb again, but only if they don’t let any of the other vampires out and that he and Katherine leave Spookyville. Damon is skpetical but is like “okay”.

After all that, we find out that Caroline is still at the cafe trying to get Matt to like her and Matt says he’s not over Elena and blah blah blah NO ONE CARES.

After the dance Alaric walks Cool Aunt home and there’s this weird camera angle from inside a bush:


Then Alaric asks Cool Aunt out on a date and he promises to stop talking about his dead wife who was named Isabelle. Cool Aunt is like “Elena’s mom was named Isabelle and Alaric’s dead wife was named Isabelle SO THEY MUST BE THE SAME PERSON” and I’m sure she’s right because we all know how this show works.

Caroline leaves the cafe and is walking home alone when Matt drives up and does this:

So I guess he is over Elena? NO ONE CARES.

At Elena’s house, Stefan tells her he told Damon he’d help get Katherine out of the tomb but that it was a lie because he “can’t let him do it” They don’t really elaborate on how he’s going to stop him but I guess he has a plan?

The episode ends with Ben the Bartender being fake attacked by Anna the dumbass vampire, because turns out Ben is a vampire too (of course). They talk about how Anna hasn’t gotten the diary yet but Ben has gotten “that little witch” to totally “crush” on him. Whatever almost 30-year-old man! 

And we’re all left wondering who is going to open Katherine’s tomb first and if Anna is going to get the diary from Alaric and if Bonnie is going to get used by another vampire and if Alaric’s dead wife is also Elena’s mom and if Caroline and Matt will ever stop being on the show.

Next week: This episode is set back in the 1880’s when Katherine was still kicking and it looks like Dexter’s dad from Dexter is also the Salvatore’s dad or at least some kind of older man who wants to tell them what to do. Also Damon has curly hair and it is weird.  

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8 Responses to “unpleasentville”

  1. olivia January 30, 2010 at 10:33 pm #

    good stuff 😀

  2. volchok January 31, 2010 at 8:57 am #

    let me just say that the introduction of sean faris character was THE WORST introduction of a character I have ever seen.

    They might as well said, listen, we don’t have a decent storyline for it but, we’re gonna have sean faris on the show, deal with it.

    Seriously this show is ridiculous and so aimed at 12 year old girls, I don’t know why I keep watching. Actually I do know, because most of the shows I watch are on hiatus and because it’s pretty cool to watch Ian somerhalder being all sarcastic and an asshole to everyone. The only seemingly interesting character on the show.

    I mean, who gives a flying fuck about stefan? has ever been such a pussy vampire? And who gives a fuck about the black girl who’s a witch? or Elena, or her brother who’s into drawing? This show could learn a lot from true blood on how to spice things up. Jesus, if you’re gonna use crappy story lines like this ,at least throw a little cursing and nudity here and there…

    • itsfreckles January 31, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

      Shoving Sean Faris in there was really stupid. I don’t know why he had to be a character that was supposedly in the background the whole time. Lazy I say!

      I saw Ian Somerhalder on Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy said something along the lines of “Your show is really successful!” And Ian looked surprised and was like “It is?” Haha! I think its great that even he knows how crap the show is.

  3. volchok January 31, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    Actually I’ve seen Ian twitter something along the lines of ” thank you to the writers of the vampire diaries for continually coming up with great storylines. ”

    I mean wtf ? I’m sure he knows what a good storyline is having been on Lost… is he lying to himself?

    The thing with Ian is, after “lost”, he disappeared from the face of the earth. He did 4 or 5 small independent films…mostly horror films that were really really crappy…I mean, if you check the films on imdb they have like 3 point something, 4 point something ratings. I don’t know why, since he’s obviously very good looking, but the truth is he couldn’t score a job after Lost, so I guess he’s just really thankful for being on a tv show again and having a regular paycheck. 😛

    • itsfreckles January 31, 2010 at 4:37 pm #

      Huh, well I guess you don’t want to bite the hand that feeds you, know what I mean? And maybe compared to those horror films he’s been in, Vamp Diaries is that good.

      Oh well, at least he’s supposed to be back on Lost! Yay!

  4. volchok February 1, 2010 at 2:01 am #

    exactly.

  5. bel- February 3, 2010 at 8:29 pm #

    wow, elena was totally ripped off at the clothing store.

    and were is the soon-to-be werewolf? i miss him. his storyline was almost funny.

    • itsfreckles February 3, 2010 at 8:38 pm #

      I know, he just dropped off the map. I hope when he comes back he is just a wolf who helps people out and stuff and then there is some kind of dire situation that forces him to reveal himself (to Elena only, that way she has to keep the secret all to herself) in an incredibly dramatic and hair-raising (pun!) scene. That would be hilarious and I bet the writers for VD are going to see this comment reply and say “GREAT IDEA” and steal it from me and then I will have to sue.

      Jeez, if wolfboy comes back things will be complicated. :/

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