fool me once

15 Feb

Okay, so sorry if this recap is crap, I’m still a bit sniffly and weird-feeling. Here goes nothin’:

Elena wakes up in a hotel room after being kidnapped and sees some dude asleep in a chair.

Then she starts scrambling around in the bed like it is the scariest thing she has ever seen and she tries to sneak out but he is AN EFFING VAMPIRE so of course he stops her. Then he tries to glamour her but she is still wearing vervain so she just fakes it and tries to escape again, but this time Anna is at the door she is like “I don’t think so” and she throws Elena in the bathroom where Bonnie is taking a nap in the bath tub.

Over at the Vampire Chic Castle, Damon is reading a really olde-looking book when Stefan rushes in and asks if he knows where Anna is living so he can find Elena. Damon is like “no”, so Stefan launches into this whole apology about how much he hates Damon and how Damon has the right to hate him too and that he’s sorry and the whole world is sorry and where is Anna living? Then Damon is like “I mean this sincerely: I hope Elena dies” and I am like “high five!” but Stefan just makes this sad face like, “darn it” or something, and I think this is why I hate Stefan so much. His brother just told him he hopes the girl he loves dies, and all he can muster is “darn it”. WHAT????????? DON’T YOU HAVE ANY OTHER EMOTION THAN BORING AS FUCK??????????????????????????

"Darn it."

Stefan, you suck.

Bonnie wakes up from naptime and is like “OMG Ben is a vamp–” but Elena cuts her off with a shush and is like “they can hear” and then she turns on the tap because runing water overpowers supernatural vampire hearing. Then Elena tells Bonnie they probably need Bonnie’s witch skillz to open the tomb and Bonnie is like “never!” but then Ben says that Elena is there for “motivation”, i.e. they will kill Elena if Bonnie doesn’t do exactly what they say. Know what Bonnie? I bet they’re bluffing. Why don’t you do what you want, and see what happens? 🙂

Elena come out of the bathroom and Anna is like “you are Katherine’s doppleganger” and Elena is like “who are you?” Good question. She is a dumbass fairy turned dumbass vampire who used to be Little Bo Peep. Got that?

Over at the super-posh-cafe-just-for-teens, Mini and Matt and Weredouche are just hangin’ when Caroline comes in and invites Mini to a party in the woods (bad idea) with some guy named Duke (super bad idea). And then she has more relationship stuff with Matt. Boo.

And it turns out Damon does care, because he goes to Bonnie’s Gram’s house to try and find out where Bonnie is, but Grams just hurts his brain with her eyes and then makes him leave. Also, she is wearing brown lipstick.

Your lips are brown. Like BROWN. You know? Oh, okay, just checking.

Anna and Elena talk about letting Katherine out of the tomb and Anna says no one even likes Katherine and she only wants to open the tomb to let her mommy, Pearl, out. Then Anna uses Elena’s phone to call Stefan and try and trade Elena for the grimore, but Damon only secretly cares, so he won’t give Stefan the grimore. Once again, Stefan is like “darn it.”

"Darn it again."

Then Anna leaves to make the non-existent trade with Stefan, and leaves Ben alone with Bonnie and Elena in the hotel room. Elena gets thirsty and starts to drink some water when Bonnie is like “I’m thirsty too, winkwink” and instead of drinking it she throws it on Ben’s arm and then makes the water turn into fire.

Then they try to run out but Ben catches Elena and Bonnie is stupid enough to stay behind with her.

Mini bumps into Anna as she’s on her way to meet Stefan and invites her to Duke’s forest party and she is like “uhhhhhhhhhhh” until he tells her that it is in the woods. Then she is like “YES”.

Damon shows up to meet Anna and he is like “I work alone” until Anna threatens Elena and then he decides to help her. Or at least pretend to. We know Damon by now, I think?

Back at the hotel room Ben is walking around like he owns the place when Stefan bursts in and opens the curtains. Ben gets burned by the sunlight and the girls escape and Stefan says he found them because Grams did ‘a simple locator spell’ or some other witch shit. They go to Gram’s house and Elena decides she wants to help Damon open the tomb and all of a sudden Grams is like ‘good idea’ and decides she will help too but only if they let Katherine out and no one else.

Elena goes to Damon and tries to get him to work with her and Stefan, but he is still on his sassy high horse and wants to be alone. Then Elena takes off her vervain necklace for a ‘simple trust demonstration’ and Damon tries to pretend like it doesn’t warm the cocles of his heart but we all know its does.

Next thing we know, Damon and Elena are at Duke’s forest party together but only to walk through it to the cemetary where the tomb is. Then they light some torches to cook some emaciated Victorian vampires later on.

Mini is back at the par-tay by himself when Weredouche shows up to make fun of him for being alone (um, look who’s talking?) but then Anna shows up and they go (deeper) into the woods together to kiss but and also to get knocked out by Ben (just Mini does that part).

Bonnie and Grams do a spell to open the tomb and it works and Damon rushes in with Elena so Grams won’t seal him inside. Once they are gone Grams reveals that they may have opened the tomb, but it is still ‘sealed’, therefore, vampires can go in, but they can’t come out.

Stefan wanders off for some reason I forgot and he runs into Ben who challenges him to a fight. Stefan throws him on the ground and then the best happens:

Ben: Is that all you got?

Stefan (pulls out a flame thrower): No, I got this.

Goodbye, Ben. You weren’t on the show very long, but I’m pretty sure I never would have liked you.

Elena and Damon finally make it into the tomb where they find a bunch of nasty withered olde vampires who breathe weird.

"It's hard to breathe when you're dead."

It basically seems like Elena is in there by herself for some reason just stumbling around room with a flashlight when she suddenly sees Anna standing there. Uh, where the hell did Damon go? I’m pretty sure you two were just walking down a single corridor together, and yet he got lost? Also, when did Anna sneak in? Whatever, show.

Moving on, Stefan sees that Elena has gone into the tomb and Grams tells him not to go in because he won’t come out. Stefan is okay with it until he hears Elena screaming because Anna bit her to feed her mommy. Stefan saves Elena and then there is drama about him not coming out but Bonnie and Grams do some witch stuff to temporarily take off the seal so Stefan can come out. Damon shows up again and is all sad because Katherine is not in the tomb. Damon throws a bitch fit and almost doesn’t come out before the seal comes back, but of course he comes out and so does Anna and her mommy. They let Anna go because she just wanted her mommy back and doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Tell that to Ben’s charred remains, why don’t cha?

They collect Mini and everyone goes home. Elena double checks that Mini doesn’t remember anything (he doesn’t) but when she leaves the room he gets on the computer…

Oh shit, Mini’s gettin’ wise!!!!!!!!!

Anna and Mommy go back to their hotel room to find Damon waiting for them and he is about to kill Mommy when she tells him that Katherine told the guard she’d change him if he let her out and that she’s been living in the outside world forever now. This makes Damon sad because that means Katherine didn’t try to find him and it wasn’t tru luv!!!

Over at Gram’s house, she is acting all tired and stuff because spell work is HARD and she is like “I’m okay” and I am like “I bet she’s going to die” and guess what? SHE DIES.

Goodnight, old lady.

Back at the tomb, a super hulk vampire opens the rock wall and comes out. I guess the spell that killed Grams didn’t even work properly. GOOD JOB EVERYONE. GRAMS IS DEAD AND NO ONE DID ANYTHING RIGHT.

The End

The Next Episode: apparently isn’t airing until next month. According to the CW’s website: “On Thursday, March 25, the passion and romance return with all new episodes!” Um, first of all, I have no idea what you are talking about, and second of all, that is over a month away, which is weird even though I was just complaining about doing these. Oh well, see you in March with more recaps!


6 Responses to “fool me once”

  1. kevvolchok February 16, 2010 at 9:55 am #

    “Oh shit, Mini’s gettin’ wise!!!!!!!!!” – lol

    Couldn’t agree more about the stefan thing. I’m still waiting for him to grow a pair and tell damon that he either leaves elena alone or he’ll wipe that motherfucking smile out of his face.
    meh, he would never say that…this is cw…

    • itsfreckles February 16, 2010 at 10:27 am #

      I know! I just wish he would have some feelings of some sort. Sometimes anger is okay! (Especially when someone is trying to kill your lady.)

  2. bel- February 16, 2010 at 3:00 pm #

    I just loved the grannypower display when she gives damon a brainfreeze or sth. Clearly she had to die, the producers couldn’t risk having another minor character be cooler than stefan. I guess we’ll have to wait till March to see which of the hundred thousand open storylines they have decided to pursue… I’ll keep my fingers crossed for katherine returning to sunnydale to do some damage.

  3. Marisol February 16, 2010 at 5:27 pm #

    “Over at Gram’s house, she is acting all tired and stuff because spell work is HARD and she is like “I’m okay” and I am like “I bet she’s going to die” and guess what? SHE DIES.”

    You took the words right out of my mouth, or rather, thoughts out of my mind.

    And the whole “No, I got this *whips out flamethrower*” was probably my favorite Stefan moment by far.

    • itsfreckles February 16, 2010 at 5:37 pm #

      I think he may have watched one too many Steven Segal movies…

      • Marisol February 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm #

        LOL. xD

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